This post was originally written on November 2, 2017.
I’m starting to understand why people vlog because taking the time to sit down ad write a post is tough sometimes.
I’ve had various topics floating around my head some days that I just haven’t taken the time to type out, and then other days there’s nothing. I did want to send out an important update as I’ve been absent from posting for a while.
The problem with growing up is the number of decisions we’re faced with every day. I think the older you get, the harder the decisions become. Ever since becoming a parent, my decisions involve what is best for my child. Lately, these choices have put my happiness through the hell.
Some days I wonder if she can tell that my nerves are locked up from stress. Does a 15-month-old know when you’re fighting back tears? I’ve mentioned before about having a “day job” but I can’t 100% say I want to be a working (8-5 at an office) parent, I greatly respect those of you who are.
I will say, dropping this face off every morning at daycare is not easy
and it’s definitely not cheap. I don’t have anything against anyone at our daycare, they all love “Mama Mia” immensely and she loves it there as well. We just haven’t loved paying for it.
I’ve looked into ways to soften the blow of a bi-weekly withdrawal but God had his foot in every door I’ve tried to open. I constantly go through my saved Snapchat clips of her throughout the day like I’m taking a hit of a cigarette and no amount of mom guilt or “what ifs” thrown at me can change this update that I’m giving.
My husband and I had a heart to heart recently about how unhappy I’ve been, we’ve had to audit our motives of if I want to work to afford daycare or learn to live on less.
We’ve decided it would be best for me to take Mia out of daycare and stay home with her. So I’ll get to do what I daydream about all day, break out of my cubicle.
An online marketing friend directed me to Gary Vaynerchuk for inspiration for my business and he says often, “to be selfless, you have to be selfish”.
I’m a people pleaser but being that way weighs you down so I’m being selfish and doing what I want to do. Anyone who wants to doubt that we’re going to “make it” or be okay can talk to God about it because my faith is in him and he’s never let me down before.
So, moving forward, I want everyone to know that this does not change things for my doula business. My goal is to knock out the required reading that I haven’t been able to get done. I’ll probably also wander around Babies R Us to give out business cards now that I’ll have more time to do that #noshame I also have plans to renovate my website, making it more blog oriented as my to-do list of activities I’m planning for Mia, recipes, and projects around our house is growing longer and longer each day.
Another list I have going is a SAHM starter pack, here’s what I have so far, suggestions are welcome
- Yoga Pants
- Bonbons (Married with Children Reference)
- Dry Shampoo
- Crock Pot recipes
- blocking out phrases from my mind like, “circle back”, “by the end of the day” “per our conversation” and so on
Stay tuned, the next chapter should be exciting!