If I open this post saying there’s an ugly side to pregnancy, you may think I’m referring to morning sickness or swollen ankles but it’s far from that. The thing with parenting is, it’s all about sacrifice. Mothers know the time of discomfort in pregnancy is temporary and it’s a bullet we have to take, just like the sleepless nights that come once the baby has arrived. If presented with the choice between my life and my child’s, I would give my life for my child. Sometimes parents aren’t given this choice and their child is taken far too soon.
This is the ugly side of pregnancy, the lack thereof pregnancy. The ugly side that involves hopes of a flicker of a heartbeat on an ultrasound only to find nothing on the screen. The ugly side is parents leaving the hospital empty handed and broken hearted.
Every child on this earth brings joy and hope to someone else on this earth even if for a brief moment. Children are loved in the womb just as much as out of the womb and some only get to experience this love for a very short time.
My reason for writing this is not to offer a solution or explanation as to why these things happen because I find myself baffled sometimes at the thought of it. I’m writing this for those of you faced with the news of a loved one having lost their loved one far too soon. Our human instinct can be selfish sometimes and want to immediately think of how things affect us but please be slow to respond.
Different people respond to pain differently and just because you may know how you would want to be treated in a time of loss, it may not be what that person needs or wants to hear. I read recently about how introverted people are less likely to bluntly ask questions for fear of making the person they’re talking to uncomfortable. I know I personally only have a few people I confide in with the serious stuff. Yet other people love talking about situations that they’re going through, neither is right or wrong, it’s just how we’re wired. I’m begging you to please feel the person out.
No matter what type of personality the one grieving has, there are 2 things you can offer them and that’s love and support. They may not be wanting you to question the reason why their child was taken from them or offer an immediate solution. Let them know you’re praying for them -and actually pray for them! Just knowing you’re there for them is enough. They will come to you for more when and if they’re ready to.
Each life lost should be celebrated and it means a lot to them to know you also loved their little one as there is not a limit to the amount of love allowed in our hearts.
This ugly side will eventually reveal beauty, as hard as it may be to imagine. Nothing happens without a purpose but in the midst of these grieving moments, search your mind and your heart for ways to make it easier on them. They may need someone there physically or they may want to be left alone. They may want to talk about it and they may need to talk about everything but the situation. They might even need directed to someone who’s gone through this tragedy to confide in. Each loss is different but no one should suffer through healing alone.
Jesus knew his death was coming and still asked God to take it from him but for it to ultimately be God’s will. God had to watch his son be crucified on the cross so that all humans can have a chance at salvation. We’ve heard the rhythm of the gospel before but it’s the of healing of this loss that we can cling to for our loved ones to keep going.
Here’s a couple of my favorite bloggers who document their fertility journies;